How Dr. Strangelove can shutdown Dayton suckers

Illustration. Photos by  LISA POWELL / STAFF and submitted.

Combined ShapeCaption
Illustration. Photos by LISA POWELL / STAFF and submitted.

So you think Dayton sucks.

Good. For. You.

Look around, ain’t nobody got time for that.

At this point, the boat carrying progress has left shore and is sailing toward the future.

Dayton and many towns like it are clawing to recreate themselves through entrepreneurship and out-of-the-box thinking.

(Just for clarification: when I say Dayton, I am lumping in all of the city’s suburbs.)

There are challenges and setbacks as dramatic and confusing as a shark being eaten by an orca, but they are trying.

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Constructive criticism, evaluation and intelligent debate are necessary, but negativity for the sake of negativity is just so boring.

Nothing is gained, but momentum can be lost if too much credit is given to Dayton suckers.

People can blabber all day long on and off the Internet about how lousy life is here, but blabber is all it is, especially if the blabberer couldn’t bother to do anything to make things better.

To borrow a line from Charlie Brown, America’s favorite semi-pessimistic block head, “good grief.”

Freedom of speech means the Dayton suckers can scream “Dayton sucks” as much as they want, but by doing so, they just reinforce the fact that they suck, and are good at sucking the air out of the room.

Dayton and Daytonians have real struggles, but those struggles do not mean this is not an awesome town.

So-called “awesome” towns have struggles, too.

New housing developments are going up left and right in downtown Dayton.

There is an artistic energy in the air.

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Innovation is happening all over the region.

Despite accomplishments and the possibilities, the Dayton suckers try their damnedest to impersonate Debbie Downer fashion.

“Those people are happy, excited and hopeful. Everything sucks in Dayton.”

We could retort "no it doesn't" to every Dayton sucker, but a Pewee Herman-style game of "I know you are, but what am I" is pretty ineffective.

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Ask anyone who is dumped and then gets in shape: becoming hot is the best revenge.

Swap the term "Dayton suckers" for the word "communist" in the most famous line from the classic Stanley Kubrick movie "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb" and we will have a pledge Dayton lovers can get behind.

“They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Dayton suckers infiltration, Dayton suckers indoctrination, Dayton suckers subversion and the international Dayton suckers conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.”

We will hope that the Dayton suckers swim toward the boat, but wasting and precious bodily fluids on their negativity sucks.

Anything is possible.

I mean, Archie Bunker sort of came around.

Then again, we all know how Dr. Strangelove ends… right?

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