Think ham sandwich, see ham sandwich, blame the Algorithms

Ohio State sophomores Cory Miller (left) and Danny Freyschlag research ideas Saturday during the annual hackathon on campus. THE COLUMBUS DISPATCH

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Ohio State sophomores Cory Miller (left) and Danny Freyschlag research ideas Saturday during the annual hackathon on campus. THE COLUMBUS DISPATCH

Ever think about an avocado, George Foreman Grill or jump rope and then magically see an ad for an avocado, George Foreman Grill or jump rope?

Me toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Some people call such an occurance coincidence or déjà vu.

I call it the “people” who control your computer, climb in your brain and tell your secrets to The Google, The Facebook or The Twitter.

My explanation for this phenomenon is not a popular one, but it is as feasible as anything else.

My belief system also explains why it is you can think “I need new shoes” and then see an ad for a shoe sale in the paper.

Think about it. Really, really think about it.

It must be unseen, all-knowing Algorithms at play here, right?

Surely you know about the Algorithms.

They are all the rage and cause all the rage.

I will put it in layperson speak: microscopic people called Algorithms live in computers and decide what you will see, where and when.

They are not a new breed.

These ancient and long-lived people predate grilled cheese and Gutenberg’s press by eons.

Evidence of their existence can be found within the cave art at Leang Lompoa in Maros, Indonesia.

Scholars with strong magnifying glasses and steady hands have spotted traces of Algorithm culture on the handwritten news sheets passed around Venice in the 1560s.

Their presence on the World Wide Web should be no surprise.

It is quite widely suspected that Algorithms helped Al Gore invent the Internet more than 300 years ago.

They work pretty closely with The Alexa from Amazon, and are in with The Google, The Facebook and The Twitter.

As far as I can tell, a seasoned team of Algorithms climb into your brain — remember, I said they are real tiny — tap into your network, and then convey information about your spending behaviors to the Algorithms living in the Information Superhighway.

They pass it on to The Google, The Facebook, The Twitter and the rest of the Thes.

A little bit of buzzing and a bleep later and you see an ad for an electric saw in your Facebook feed.

Geez-o-pete is right.

I hope I didn’t blow your mind too much.

That job is typically reserved for our Algorithm “friends.”

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